« .... and another failure to communicate | Main | Light blue touch-paper, stand well back.... »
December 05, 2004
You can trust me, honestly
Putting aside your family and yourself, who's the most trusted person in your life, the person you have the most faith in? Is it your doctor or your priest, more likely it's your partner or your best friend? Who would you trust with your innermost secrets? Do you even have enough belief in any one person to be able to share your deepest, most personal thoughts? You might be forgiven for thinking, this woman never shuts up about herself, how can she have any secrets? But I do, just like everyone else and sometimes we have a need to share, to unburden. We need a confidante.
By the time we get to our age (whatever that may be) we will all have gone through some or other difficulty in our relationships. We will have been let down, hurt or even heart broken by those we loved and trusted the most and this can have an erosive effect on our ability to believe. When a relationship breaks down completely, that's when our faith is most sorely challenged and sometimes the damage cannot be undone. And that's a very sad place to find oneself. That's the way I felt just over a year ago having just come out of a relationship that turned really bad in the end. I felt that I would never be able to trust another man as long as I lived but I'm amazed to say, with the support and confidence of someone I truly trust, I’ve been able to get past that feeling and now here I am, enjoying life, laughing and looking forward to every day.
It’s not an easy thing to do to put yourself out there even when it’s with someone very close to you. The other day I had a very intimate conversation with this guy and, as is usual for us, I did most of the talking. When I looked back on what I’d been revealing about myself, I suddenly felt very exposed and immediately began to regret some of the things I’d been saying. My faith in him wobbled for a few minutes, I have to admit it but our relationship has survived several trials over the last year, our faith in each other has been tested to the limit but we’ve come out the other side and I am confident that he will not let me down. I only had to remember that he has never disappointed me before to know I can trust him.
It’s also a huge responsibility to be a trusted friend or partner and not one to be taken lightly. We often make the mistake of assuming our trustworthiness is a given. When someone asks if they can trust us with something, we reply, “Of course you can, you know that.” Obviously they don’t, or they wouldn’t need to ask. So we need to build a place for them where they feel comfortable and safe. Somewhere they can express themselves honestly without fear. So how do we do that?
Firstly, by being truthful with ourselves. Can we promise our friends that we will not betray their trust? Secondly, by not judging them. If they feel the need to share their feelings with us, we must know we can support them whatever we hear. And, most importantly, by being open and transparent. If we can be open about ourselves to our partners and friends, they will feel comfortable with us and will be encouraged to reciprocate, from this mutual trust will be born. By being transparent, by showing our friends who we really are we will draw them to us. The more honesty we give, the more trust we will receive. The more trust we give, the more honesty we will receive. In recognising what it is that gives us confidence in our friends, we can endeavour to give back a little of what we have learned. It will be a very valuable and worthwhile experience, trust me.
Posted by lilliebet at December 5, 2004 02:58 PM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.deckertechnology.net/mt/mt-tb.cgi/43