lilliebet

Take last night for instance. For the past couple of months, a friend and I have been putting together a website (you'll have to see it when it's ready) and I pushed the idea of a new theme, a new look, for the site until I got my own way. It looks great and it gave me a renewed spark of interest, it's been hard work and I have been flagging a bit recently. So feeling all perky, I set about adding web links but, wait! The module's not working, damn!

I asked my cohort his opinion, "a bug in the new theme" was his suggestion. Damn again! So I dug in my heels and determined that I would either prove it wasn't the new theme that caused it (did I mention I'm pig-headed?) or I would fix it and quietly gloss over it so as not to look too foolish. I spent two hours last night trying and testing every conceivable angle, but nothing I tried made the slightest difference. Time was running out and so was my patience. By the time he arrived on the scene, I was completely miserable and ready to throw the monitor out of the window.

Five minutes of prodding and poking and he'd sussed out the problem and fixed it. Can I venture another Damn! here? OK, it wasn't a bug in the theme, so I should at least be happy about that. In fact it was caused by something I had no knowledge of or control over whatsoever, so what's my problem?

I suppose it's being made to feel like a helpless female and, yes, I know it's all in my own head but it wrankles nonetheless. I've spent months trying to learn this stuff and when it goes right I'm so chuffed I'm like a little kid, even over the little things, but when it goes wrong I get so frustrated with myself I could scream. In fact, I generally do.

If it was anyone else, I'd be telling them there's nothing they could have done about it. Because it's me though, I get mad.

Why do I set myself higher standards than I set others then curse myself when I don't meet them? Guess I'll have to wait for Bill to cover that one, I may learn to give myself a break.