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June 23, 2005
Life goes on...
Five years ago today, actually it was after 11 at night, a speeding car full of teenagers careered out of control into the path of a jeep which knocked it at full force into our building.
The emergency services were very quickly on the scene but one of the lads died at the scene, another died later in hospital but all five had to be cut free and only the driver escaped relatively unhurt. He was later sent to prison for causing death by dangerous driving and he has those two deaths on his conscience so I guess he wasn't really unhurt.
The collision took our front door off and we stood and watched as the fire brigade cut the roof off the car and paramedics performed their miracles. In the midst of the melee it turned midnight and the kids turned to me and wished me happy birthday, admittedly with a touch of irony....
What my daughter jokingly refers to as the birthday curse had struck again.
Only the previous year, the guy in the house next door was murdered and the house set on fire. The police came to interview me while I was opening presents and doling out birthday cake. I thought that one was an odd birthday but the following year topped it.
It was the early hours of the morning before the police and fire service had finished and the road was reopened. I spent the afternoon at my mum's having as happy a time as was possible in the circumstances.
Later, back at home, I was making the dinner and the church bell started to toll (as it normally does at that time on a Saturday) and I suddenly became aware of an eerie silence. I live on a busy main road and traffic noise is the norm but everything had fallen silent and I couldn't understand why.
I went into the living room and looked out of the window. The road outside my house was thronged with teenagers. Some standing, some sitting, some hugging each other, all crying softly mourning the friends they'd lost. The traffic had stopped, no-one had the heart to cut through their grief, they were just left to their thoughts and their prayers. I backed away from the window, I felt that I was intruding, it was so strange to feel like an intruder in my own home.
By the end of the day, the pavement outside was a sea of flowers. It was like a shrine and for days and nights, kids continued to come and stand, crying for their loss. It was awful. Whenever I stepped over the threshold, I again felt like I was intruding on their grief and it felt like it would never end. It was the saddest birthday I've ever had.
I just got home from work tonight and the flowers have started to arrive, as they do every year. Tomorrow I will celebrate my fortieth birthday but, as I have every year for the last five years, I'll also be sad for those kids who will never celebrate another. Life goes on but so many will always be affected by their deaths, including me and mine who never knew them.
Posted by lilliebet at 07:49 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
June 22, 2005
The Best Present a Mother Could Want
I've just packed my son off to work..... yes, WORK!!
I don't know who's more excited, I suspect it's me, but he's just left for his first day in his first proper job.
It's almost a year to the day since he left school and, apart from occasional casual work and two days a week in college, he's filled the role of layabout teenager quite adequately.
Not today though - he's a proper "workie" now and I'm so proud of him. For all my mickey taking, he actually does work damn hard. Actually landing the job was the difficult part.
Congratulations Day and good luck in your new job. I know you'll do well :-)
Posted by lilliebet at 06:35 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
June 19, 2005
Life begins on Friday
Well folks, this is it.... I'm officially into the very last week of my thirties. After Thursday, I'll no longer be able to call myself a thirty something. Will I care?
I very much doubt it. I don't think Friday will be any different from Thursday except that I'll have some nice prezzies to cheer me up. lol
I think it'll be hardest on my mum, both her children will be in their forties. Oh dear!
Posted by lilliebet at 03:04 AM | Comments (10) | TrackBack
June 14, 2005
International Weblogger's Day
Well it's just turned midnight and that makes it officially International Weblogger's Day.
"Yeah... and....?" I hear you cry.
Well bloggers the world over are marking this day by getting together to talk about life, the blogoverse and everything and they'll probably sink a few lattes or lagers (whatever's your poison) along the way. A zillion diverse bloggers with a gazillion diverse blogs are getting together to talk about what they blog and why, so I thought I'd join in the party in my own small way.
I started this blog on January 12, 2005. Paul and Robin of CastleCops wanted to thank their staff for the work that they do and this was their generous but unusual way of doing so. Until that point, I'd been keeping a journal of sorts at CCSP but blogging was completely new to me and I have to confess, I was hooked from day one.
You hear the words random, rambling, and unconnected a lot when reading blogs and that's mine. Be it something daft one of my kids have said, a rant about the latest fad, a progress report on my attempt to get educated, my latest heartbreak or just an odd thought that enters my head, I blog it.
Mostly, it's just for me but if anyone happens along who has something to say, all the better. One of the great things about keeping a blog has been getting to know all of yours.... I read and enjoy so many of them every day.
I've parted company with CastleCops and so has my blog but I'm pleased to say, my good friend OldFrog, now hosts it for me and managed to keep it intact so that I could go on enjoying it. I know not everything I have to say is pleasing to all of you who pass this way but I hope, for the most part, you can enjoy it too.
Posted by lilliebet at 12:01 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
June 13, 2005
I love the rain
Why do I love the rain? Because it washes my windows, so I don't have to :D
Posted by lilliebet at 07:29 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
A real sense of achievement
I handed in the fourth of my DMS assignments today and received my feedback from the second.
I had feedback from the first one last week but I didn't mention it here because, in truth, I was a little disappointed with myself. But I shouldn't have been, that was silly.
I left school at the age of 16 with a couple of 'O' levels and never looked back. I went right out to work and didn't stop until I had my kids (even then I did part time bar work). When my daughter started school, I went straight back to working full time, as a Positive Action Trainee with Liverpool City Council. It was a vocational training course, lasting two years, aimed at minority groups (I got in by dint of being a "woman returner"). I'm still here ten years later.
As part of the training, I completed NVQs at level 2 and 3 in Administration and won the City & Guilds Award for Excellence but I never went back to academic study, much as I would have liked to.
Until now that is. The DMS is a postgraduate diploma in management studies, postgraduate being the key word here. In normal circumstances, entrants would be graduates and have experience of academic writing, study, critical reflection, referencing - none of our group have that. We are all City Council managers, from a variety of service areas and we are all very much in the same boat. While we know and understand the issues and have the experience, none of us have the academic background, so we're all learning from scratch.
Anyway, my grade for my first assignment, Customer & Business focus, was 57% and, while I know this is a "strong pass", it sounded rather low to me but, hey, I have no frame of reference, what do I know? This was our first attempt at writing an academic piece and we had no idea what to expect. After talking to a few of my group today, I've realised 57% is nicely mid-range. Other grades ranged between 35% and 70% so I'm not complaining.
Today I got my second lot of feedback, this time for Professional & Personal skills, 72% - the highest score in the group. Obviously I've found my niche. Strangely this has made me feel better about the first grade, don't ask me why.
It probably had a lot to do with what my tutor said to me today...
"Now I hope you believe that you are meant to be on this course"
Yes, I think I do!
Posted by lilliebet at 06:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 10, 2005
An Accident Waiting to Happen
My son tells me I'm a nag when I complain he doesn't phone me to let me know if he'll be late or is staying with friends.
"I'm old enough to look after myself" he says, "you don't need to worry about me"
Yeah, right!
I'm not going to deny it, I do nag and I do worry. Last night he came home with a gash above his eye caused by his getting in the way of a flying beer bottle. He doesn't understand why I take no comfort from the fact that he wasn't the intended recipient. He obviously never looked up the words "innocent bystander" in the dictionary because, when the proverbial hits the fan, he's usually in the thick of it. (Eeeww, not a nice picture!)
The simple fact is, he's accident prone. In his 17 years he has broken his hand, foot, kneecap, collar bone, nose and his two front teeth. He's torn his ankle ligaments twice; had four operations; and had stitches in his arm, head and butt cheeks. Yes, you heard right, his butt cheeks!! He managed to get hit by a car on a pedestrian crossing and even got attacked by a police dog. I once tried to count the scars on his head but gave up at 42.
There's a seat in the waiting room at Alder Hey hospital that is moulded to the shape of that lad's bum and yet he still tells me he can take care of himself. Is it any wonder mums worry?
Posted by lilliebet at 11:30 PM | Comments (14) | TrackBack
June 09, 2005
Happy Birthday Lou!
My little girl is 15 years old today. With her birthday being in the summer, we used to plan every year to have an outdoor party with a bouncy castle but the weather let us down every year.
Finally it's happened and it's a beautiful summer's day out there. It's a pity she's far too cool and groovy for a bouncy castle now though. lol
Happy birthday petal, have a fantastic day!
Posted by lilliebet at 07:28 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
June 07, 2005
Oranges and Lemons
I must really have my rant head on today because here comes another one...... fake tan and face make up.... aaaaahhhhhh!!!!
I've just taken my son's gorgeous white top out of the washing machine to find the marks left by one of his girlie friends' face make up are stuck fast, never to be removed. I am not amused.
It's probably not a phenomenon seen in most parts of the world but in dull, grey Blighty, it's the latest fashion. Orange is the new white!
These 15, 16, 17 year old girls paint themselves in lashings of fake tan (and the faker the better seems to be the point). On top of that they smear inches of bronzing face make up and on top of that, goes the normal make up. The result = streaky elbows, knees and heels and the scariest orange faces you ever saw.
Now fair play, some of these sights do give me a good giggle but the damn stuff is so thick it can rub off on you if you pass them on a bus, let alone going dancing with them on a Friday night like me laddo does.
If the object of the exercise is to make themselves look tanned and gorgeous, I think they missed the point. Especially after they've boogied on down in half a dozen or so sweaty clubs and the stuff has started to run uncontrollably. They have tide marks for heaven's sake!
Girls, do yourselves a favour, stop painting yourselves like Coco the Clown and let the sun see your face if you want a healthy tan. Take it from me (and I've asked) the lads you're trying to impress are laughing at you too - it's not just me!
Posted by lilliebet at 01:17 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
Bachelorette? What the hell is a bachelorette?
Second time today I've seen this word...
Spinster is the word you're looking for. Single woman will do if that smacks too much of left-on-the-shelf for you.
I know the language needs new words to be coined in order for it to grow and develop but they should enrich it not dumb it down.
Sorry, rant over...
Posted by lilliebet at 11:11 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack
June 06, 2005
June 6th, 1986
The day my Dad died. A couple of weeks before my 21st birthday, he took his own life. My Mum found him in the car with the engine running and gave him mouth-to-mouth. We lived in the hospital waiting room for a week, he was grim and determined and he held on for a week. But on June 6th, he died.
We asked the nurse if she thought it was a cry for help, she said, "No, when they do it like this, they mean it, it's not a cry for help!"
There should have been a cry for help.....
Posted by lilliebet at 12:34 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
June 05, 2005
What is this strange and wonderful thing?
Finally something has happened to tear me away from the computer screen. It's called a book! Vernon God Little to be precise, have you read it?
I've only read a few chapters this morning but it has me enthralled. I used to be an avid reader, I was never not reading something but I haven't picked up a book in a long time, until today. I'm lying on the bed next to the open window with the sun streaming in and a perfect breeze cooling me, sheer bliss.
I'd forgotten what a simple pleasure reading is, I won't make that mistake again.
Posted by lilliebet at 04:18 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
June 04, 2005
For your viewing pleasure
There's a pub around the corner from me that's just in the middle of a refit. It was a bit of a dive and I'm sure it's going to be greatly improved. This morning a poster went up announcing the grand opening, June 10th, 7:00 pm. Underneath, in smaller letters, I noticed this
"Open June 9th, 8:00pm to 9:00pm for viewing only"
Is it just me or is that weird? I mean, what? They put a range of drinks up on the bar and let you look at them? Or do you get the grand tour of the living quarters?
"... and here's granny in the bath..."
Hmmmm, I probably won't go!
Posted by lilliebet at 01:11 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
June 02, 2005
Once Bitten, Twice..... Bitten Again!
I am so gullible! I tell myself it's because I'm too trusting, because I try to see the good in people. In truth, I am desperate to see the good in people. The result is I get squished on a regular basis. Trouble is I never seem to learn the lesson, you'd think at my age I'd know better.
When I was 22 and eight months pregnant with my first child, I lived in Bed & Breakfast accommodation in Birmingham. It wasn't one of these seedy gaffs that used to get a lot of bad press, it was run by a fantastic guy who thought of us all as family... and we were like a family. There were ten of us and we got on great, sharing the chores, hanging out together and generally looking out for each other too.
After a few months, one of our group moved out with her three kids, (she'd managed to find a house for them all) and suddenly we had two new additions to the household. Two blokes who were apparently moving around the country looking for work. They seemed OK and seemed to fit right in. One of them in particular, Peter, was always friendly and helpful, he did loads of jobs around the place for the landlord and he just seemed like a great guy. We fast became friends.
Just before Christmas, two weeks before my son was due to be born, I had to go for my final ante-natal check up at the maternity hospital on the other side of the city. Peter offered to drive me up there in the landlord's car - an offer too good to refuse.
I was on benefit at the time, not big bucks but it paid for my food and digs and, being Christmas week, I had to pick up two weeks money so we did this on the way to the hospital.
We had a long wait at the hospital and I told Peter he should leave me and I'd find my own way home but he insisted on staying. There was snow and ice on the ground and it was freezing, he wanted to stay and make sure I got home safe.
Eventually I was called and it was a simple matter of having my weight and blood pressure checked, a quick listen to the baby's heartbeat and I was good to go. Ten minutes, no more than that, and I was back out in the waiting room..... alone!
Peter had gone, as had my coat and bag that I'd left with him. Yes I know, foolish. I hung about by the entrance for a while, convinced he had just gone to move the car or nipped to the shop but in my heart I knew from the off he wasn't coming back.
There I was eight months pregnant, miles from home, with no money and no coat in the middle of a freezing winter. In the end the hospital staff called me a taxi which my landlord paid for at the other end. I was lucky he was such a good guy, I didn't have a penny to pay my keep or to live on and he helped me out. What was worse was that he never got his car back either and I felt very responsible. It was the most miserable Christmas I'd ever had, I couldn't even send my mum a card.
Four weeks later, I was back in the hospital again, my son was born just before 8pm. My mum had been with me but, before they even took us up to the ward, she'd had to leave to catch her train back to Liverpool. At about 11pm a nurse came in looking very miffed to say that there was a phone call for me. Perplexed, I went and took the call and guess who it was? I was stunned, I could hardly speak, I couldn't call him all the names I wanted to call him because I just couldn't believe he would call me. Apparently he'd been ringing the hospital every night for two weeks waiting for me to be admitted.
He even told me that he had my stuff and came up with some lame excuse for running out on me, he promised he would return my things to me but, of course, he never did.
You'd think I would have learned a valuable lesson from this and so would I. But it seems even now, 17 years later, I am still too ready to trust, too eager to believe and too often disappointed. I really don't learn.
Posted by lilliebet at 08:59 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack