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January 13, 2007
Of Sheila and Champagne
So I'm sitting here at the computer, at around midnight last night, when my phone rings and an unfamiliar voice announces that they're outside my house and they have my mother with them and she's "had a bit of an accident".
I race downstairs in my fluffy pink slippers to be greeted by said strangers and they did indeed have my mother in tow (the Sheila of whom I speak) with one decidedly smashed lens in her glasses and blood pouring down her face.
"I think she'll need to go to hospital" says the very kind lady
"I think you're right" says I
She has what can only be described as a letterbox on her forehead that I'm pretty damn sure wasn't there this morning. The gash starts millimetres above the innermost corner of her eyebrow and extends almost to the outermost corner but, this time, below the eyebrow. Yes, she's severed her eyebrow and one half of it is now hanging half an inch below it's buddy.
"Does it look bad?" she asks me
"We-ell, it'll definitely need a stitch" I say, trying not to let the horror show on my face.
Sheila has this habit. I say habit because she does it a lot, although generally not of her own volition. She hinges!
Most people would say she falls but this just isn't the case. There is no trip, no stumble, no genuflection. She hinges at the ankles and falls exactly like a felled tree. Several (ahem) years of age and yet she has still not discovered the value of hands during a fall. In other words, she does not put them out to save herself but simply falls flat on her face. This, I'm afraid, was another of those occasions.
So off we we went to Fazakerley Hospital. No, strike that, first we went to the Walk-in Centre (proudly advertised) in Litherland. The door was locked but we buzzed to gain entry. The moron twins behind the counter ask us if we have an appointment.
"It says on the board outside this is a walk-in centre"
"You need an appointment"
"Better take that sign down from outside then eh?"
I have to either drag her back into the taxi or hold her coat while she makes them sorry they ever discovered the meaning of sarcasm. The choice is difficult but I elect for the former.
So, then, we went to the hospital. Normally waiting times are ridiculous here and the thought of the Friday night waiting room full of cut-up drunks wasn't a pleasant one but I can only give thanks that she chose to take us on this latest adventure during January when everyone's spent up so the pubs are nigh on empty. We hadn't had our bums on the seats five minutes before we were called through.
I'll spare you the gorey details but suffice to say the maxillo-facial doctor was called and the end result was astounding. She's back to owning just the two eyebrows now at least. The stitches come out in five days, we'll know then whether it's going to hamper her planned modelling career.....
Anyway, I got to bed somewhere around 5.30am and my head was probably as sore as Sheila's today so a dull evening on the couch in front of the telly was this evening's antedote.
Oh and the Champagne?
It's my son's birthday tomorrow. Tonight he's gone out with friends. They went for a meal then headed into town to the clubs. In the interval he called home with a bottle of champagne that'd been presented to him by the host at the restaurant who is also a friend. He wasn't going to cart it round with him so he left it on the coffee table and a-boogeying he went.
Having enjoyed Harry Potter and the something of something, we were ten minutes into the Best of Top Gear when the world exploded, plaster fell from the ceiling and we only just managed to dodge the champagne cork as it ricocheted around the room. Plonker had taken the wire off the champagne cork hadn't he? So the cork just bided it's time... waited until I was sufficiently unawares... then BOOM!!
Still, it's his loss and my gain. Top Gear and champagne, the perfect Saturday night combination. Well it would be such a shame to waste it wouldn't it?
Posted by lilliebet at January 13, 2007 11:14 PM
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Comments
Oh my, I do hope everything's okay with your mum.
As to David's chanpagne, well, his loss eh ? I hope you enjoyed it. Didn't happen to have a Mars bar left over from the robbery did you ? ;)
Posted by: OldGuy at January 15, 2007 05:48 PM