The one where they're challenged to cross Botswana in a 2 wheel drive... and the race across London by car, boat, bike and public transport... and don't get me started on the one where they enter the deep south of America with the pro-Clinton, pro-homosexual slogans on their cars....

... and as for the "star in the reasonably priced car"....

What on earth could be so entertaining about a car show?

Maybe it's the Stig??

Someone's trying to tell me something.....

BB is "viewing private messages".

Now why doesn't that surprise me?

Ooh I'm getting suspicious in my old age.

Jury service!

It was too, interesting, when it wasn't mind-numbingly boring that is. Luckily for me this didn't happen too often. There were people who didn't even get on one jury panel in the whole two weeks and they were begging the rest of us to release them from the misery by the second Tuesday. One bloke even took up knitting to try to stay sane.

But I was kept busy, I only spent one morning sitting around, the rest of the time I was on cases: 1 robbery (guilty); 1 racially motivated threatening behaviour (not guilty); 1 burglary (case dismissed); 1 malicious wounding (guilty); and 1 rape (not guilty). I ended up doing an extra week and I have to say, I didn't mind a bit. I was foreman on the last case and got to stand up and declare the accused "Not Guilty M'lud", that made me feel special. LOL

The whole experience opened my eyes to the great British legal system though. It sucks.... for two reasons. Firstly, the supreme lack of effort that the police and barristers appear to make in bringing a decent case. So many times we, the jury members, were left asking each other "why didn't they ask him this" or "what happened to that piece of evidence" and so on. Ironside it isn't. Although there was one barrister who appeared to be doing a screen test while doing his bit, he raised a few laughs, although I don't think that was his intention.

Secondly, the idea of being tried by a jury of my peers scares the crap out of me now that I've witnessed "my peers" in action. Some of these people were scarily thick. Prejudices and assumptions abounded; there was very little understanding of the depth of our responsibilities; and, despite patient and detailed explanation by the judges concerned of what our role was, very little desire to listen to any of it.

If I'm ever falsely accused of anything I think I can say with some certainty, I don't have a chance in hell. Right now I'm baking a cake with a file in it just in case. Does anyone know how to make a rope out of human hair?

It would take far too long to recap on everything that's happened since my last post on, um, April 21st (oh the shame) but here's a brief run down on the major events in the life of lilliebet over the last 251 days....

Errmmm.....

Oh yeah! Some toss bag hacked my site. That's the major downer of the year. And it's still not back up and running, which means I don't get my daily dose from the guys. Not that the guys were in the habit of giving me a "dose" you understand but, err, oh you know what I mean. The intellectual sparring, deep and meaningful philosophising and downright dirty talk have all been noticably absent in the past several weeks. Waaahh!!! I hate hackers. I'd show them what real hacking is if I ever got my hands on them. Grrrr!!

On the upside, I won the Payroll Employee of the Year Award back in October. Yeah, dull I know but we had a (nearly) all expenses paid night in a posh London hotel with dinner and dancing (and far too much drinking). There will be photos if Lou ever tells me where she's uploaded them to. Watch this space....

Back in August we had a great weekend in Wembley at the Challenge Cup Final - which Saints won of course - and I finally fulfilled my dream to go to the new Wembley Stadium. My honest opinion? Mightily impressive stadium but the atmosphere at Cardiff was better somehow as were the surroundings. It was a great experience though. Our hotel was right at the top of Wembley Way next to the train station. It was seriously hot and the hotel opened up a bar outside in the sunshine where we could sit off and watch the crowds of fans arriving which made for a brilliant atmosphere on match day. Unlike football, fans of every rugby league club attend the cup final, not just the two involved. From Super League to Non-League teams and even foreign teams and everyone wears their colours. There's no antagonism though, just loads of banter. It's cool.

And now it's Christmas, or just has been. It's had its ups and downs; a little friction here and there but mostly it went really well. My girlie bought me a Senseo coffee maker - love it! - I've been banging on about wanting one for so long but I had no idea she'd done it so it was a brilliant surprise. I get excited about the strangest things don't I? There were 10 of us for dinner this year and it was pandemonium but I have to hand it to my mum, she made an excellent scran, first rate. We had another big meal on Boxing Day and last night we went for a Chinese meal for my neice's 20th birthday. Today I've been detoxing - I've never eaten or drunk so much in my life, I feel like a dirigible. Got to make room for all the New Years Eve goodies haven't I?

That doesn't seem like eight months worth of news does it? But at least you've been spared the tedium of every little last piece of news. And you've escaped my fixation with Heroes- we've only just had the first series on the Beeb over here.... whatever you do, don't tell me what happens in series 2. I may yet come back to that subject though.....

I am definitely going to keep up the blogging from now on, if only because I told Gilles that I would. So I guess I'll see you back here tomorrow.... honestly.

Right now though, more important things. When I was about 14 a friend of mine had a record that I loved (yes back in the days of records, looooong before CDs and MP3s). It was by a girl called Lorna Bennett and was called Breakfast in Bed - great yes, find it on youtube. OK I did that and that's fine but the B side was a kind of reggae-fied version of same, this time though, Lorna was joined by Scotty Bennett and it was a thousand times better than the A side.

But can I find it? Can I buggery!

I'm assuming it was an Islands Records release - it's certainly the right genre - and I've convinced myself I can see the record label in my mind's eye. Whatever, I can't find any reference to it on Google nor any download site. As I said, I found the A side on youtube, the original by Lorna, as well as the UB40/Chrissie Hynde cover. But Scotty seems to have been confined to the waste bin.

So sad, it's a great song.

If anyone knows where I can find it.... please, please let me know.

No

I'll tell you what it is. It's recipes that serve four... or two.... or six... or whatever. Never three though is it? It does my head in.

OK, rant over.

Everyone who's ever been tells me it's extreeeemly tedious. I'd best buy some new books. Lot's of sitting around waiting - many people don't even get on a case.

Of course knowing my luck I'll get the local godfather's trial for murder. Oh well, I always wondered what the witness protection programme was all about.

Take this blog for instance. My host is a bit canny with the old coding and stuff (way above my head) and he's written some filters which deal with 100% of the spam, it all gets dumped into the junk mail folder so that's really cool. But I was just emptying the folder and I realised that all of January's 345 spam comments contained therein were directed at one particular blog post - a post about a certain number game of far eastern origin (you know the one I mean). It seems the very mention of said game is enough to attract every jerkoff spammer in the business. I've edited the post now, taken out all mention of "the S word", so we'll just wait and see what happens.

Added to that of course is the email spam I receive by the bucket load and the junk comments on my site. Happily I've now managed to eradicate the junk comments quite simply but now the sods are spamming me through the feedback module. The worst thing is they've managed to exploit some bug in Nuke and are sending out spam in my name. I just wish I knew how to stop that - it's not making me popular with the server guys (or my host).

I guess some people must respond to this crap otherwise they wouldn't bother sending it but I'm not one of them. I don't want a bigger penis (at least not one of my own); I definitely don't want to visit any "mother and daughter" websites; and my need for bored, lonely housewives is miniscule to say the least. Blogspot doesn't help either. Most of the links seem to go to annoyingpervertedspammers.blogspot.com and I wish those buggers would clean up their act.

Ah well.... since I've been writing this the spam fairy has no doubt visited me again.... better go and clean out that junk mail again.

And it did.... on the stroke of 5 o'clock.... talk about keeping you in suspense!

But I did it, I passed. I even got what, for me, was a pretty good mark in my Project Management assignment which was doubly satisfying. You have no idea how pleased I am, mostly that I don't have to resit anything but also because it's been a long haul and hard work at times and now I finally feel like I've been rewarded for my efforts.

Happy day :-)

I race downstairs in my fluffy pink slippers to be greeted by said strangers and they did indeed have my mother in tow (the Sheila of whom I speak) with one decidedly smashed lens in her glasses and blood pouring down her face.

"I think she'll need to go to hospital" says the very kind lady
"I think you're right" says I

She has what can only be described as a letterbox on her forehead that I'm pretty damn sure wasn't there this morning. The gash starts millimetres above the innermost corner of her eyebrow and extends almost to the outermost corner but, this time, below the eyebrow. Yes, she's severed her eyebrow and one half of it is now hanging half an inch below it's buddy.

"Does it look bad?" she asks me
"We-ell, it'll definitely need a stitch" I say, trying not to let the horror show on my face.

Sheila has this habit. I say habit because she does it a lot, although generally not of her own volition. She hinges!

Most people would say she falls but this just isn't the case. There is no trip, no stumble, no genuflection. She hinges at the ankles and falls exactly like a felled tree. Several (ahem) years of age and yet she has still not discovered the value of hands during a fall. In other words, she does not put them out to save herself but simply falls flat on her face. This, I'm afraid, was another of those occasions.

So off we we went to Fazakerley Hospital. No, strike that, first we went to the Walk-in Centre (proudly advertised) in Litherland. The door was locked but we buzzed to gain entry. The moron twins behind the counter ask us if we have an appointment.

"It says on the board outside this is a walk-in centre"
"You need an appointment"
"Better take that sign down from outside then eh?"

I have to either drag her back into the taxi or hold her coat while she makes them sorry they ever discovered the meaning of sarcasm. The choice is difficult but I elect for the former.

So, then, we went to the hospital. Normally waiting times are ridiculous here and the thought of the Friday night waiting room full of cut-up drunks wasn't a pleasant one but I can only give thanks that she chose to take us on this latest adventure during January when everyone's spent up so the pubs are nigh on empty. We hadn't had our bums on the seats five minutes before we were called through.

I'll spare you the gorey details but suffice to say the maxillo-facial doctor was called and the end result was astounding. She's back to owning just the two eyebrows now at least. The stitches come out in five days, we'll know then whether it's going to hamper her planned modelling career.....

Anyway, I got to bed somewhere around 5.30am and my head was probably as sore as Sheila's today so a dull evening on the couch in front of the telly was this evening's antedote.

Oh and the Champagne?

It's my son's birthday tomorrow. Tonight he's gone out with friends. They went for a meal then headed into town to the clubs. In the interval he called home with a bottle of champagne that'd been presented to him by the host at the restaurant who is also a friend. He wasn't going to cart it round with him so he left it on the coffee table and a-boogeying he went.

Having enjoyed Harry Potter and the something of something, we were ten minutes into the Best of Top Gear when the world exploded, plaster fell from the ceiling and we only just managed to dodge the champagne cork as it ricocheted around the room. Plonker had taken the wire off the champagne cork hadn't he? So the cork just bided it's time... waited until I was sufficiently unawares... then BOOM!!

Still, it's his loss and my gain. Top Gear and champagne, the perfect Saturday night combination. Well it would be such a shame to waste it wouldn't it?

Two years ago, she turned veggie. No big political motivation or anything, it was just a whim really but she gave up eating meat and, fair play to her, she's laid off it ever since.

The only trouble with being a vegetarian is... she doesn't like vegetables. Well, not many of them anyway. Or fish. She'll eat tuna and the occasional plaice or salmon but that's about all.

Then a few months ago, she decided she needed to lose a few pounds, so she started a diet. That's saturated fats out of the window then. No cheese, pastry or cakes.

As if that wasn't enough, she had an appointment with the neurologist last week. She's been suffering with headaches for some time. If you ask me, she's faint from lack of nourishment but what do I know? So his diagnosis was chronic migraine. And what's the treatment for chronic migraine? She has to cut out chocolate and caffeine!

So what's left? Nougat and gravy I think.

Something tells me we're all taking these food fads a bit too far. There's virtually nothing that's safe to eat anymore or that doesn't cause headaches/bloating/hives/gout or CJ-bloody-D!

Someone pass me the tripe n onions...

I finally finished my last assignment for the DMS. Remember this?

Just two weeks short of two years, I didn't think this day would ever come. I need to celebrate but it's way too early in the morning for a G&T.

Of course, I still have to have this one marked but I think it'll scrape through, I hope it'll scrape through. And we're awaiting the results of our integrative project. We won't hear that until the end of this month but I thought it was a decent job we did there. After ten weeks of hard slog, we deserve a good pass on that one.

So let's hope all that remains is the wearing of the silly cap and gown. I pooh-poohed that part all the way through but, right now, I'm kind of tempted. Especially as the post-ceremony celebration should be one to remember.

Right, I'm off to dump all those files off the top of my bookcase.... oh happy day :-)

Ever since we reopened The Sandbox, I haven't been able to post comments through Typekey. Not a big deal really except that I have to approve my own comments. That's a strange feeling I can tell you.

I'm thinking too about categories. When I set this up, I didn't really have much idea where I was going with it. Not that I have any more idea now but, if I'm to keep my resolution, it's best I put some thought into it. Of course, if I change the categories, I have to reassign all the existing posts.... or not I guess.... hey hum.

Apart from all that, I've just started to read for my last assignment. I'm into some wonderfully interesting articles on Project Management. Interesting that is if you have no friends, no social life and a desperate urge to put your head in the oven. Back to it I guess....

So did you make any resolutions? Have you broken them yet?

I'm only going to make one firm resolution this year, to keep this blog updated. Beyond that I'm not making resolutions because they're too easy to break. I will be making changes though. Mostly it's things about the family I want to change... they way we behave toward each other, the respect we should give each other but often don't ... that kind of thing. Day is an adult now, he's 19 in two weeks, Lou is pretty much there too (although, at 16, she's far more grown up than Day will ever be) and yet they still bicker like little kids. It doesn't get any better either and I'd hate to think in years to come they wouldn't have resolved their issues. One day I want them to appreciate each other as brother and sister. I never had a brother but I think it would have been cool. Anyway, that's that, some changes but not too many resolutions.

So what does Oh Seven have instore?

First thing - the final assignment for my DMS. I have until the tenth to submit it. Might be a good idea to make a start on it then. On the 5th my sister is due to move to France. She and her husband are buying a small hotel/restaurant in Correze called Le Bariolet. Right now I think she's having last minute nerves so we'll just have to wait until the sixth to see whether she actually goes through with it. Then it's Day's birthday of course. No doubt he'll be spending it with his mates in the pub, he doesn't have time for his poor mum anymore (oh woe!). Can't say I blame him but a family meal would be nice, maybe he'll surprise me.

On Feb 4th, Super League XII kicks off when Saints are away to Huddersfield. Remember Huddersfield? Can't wait for that - just 33 more sleeps!!

For Saints the season kicks off a week early to accommodate the World Club Challenge against Brisbane Broncos which has had to be postponed until Feb 23rd (bloody awkward Aussies). It was hoped it would be played at Goodison Park right here in Liverpool but, alas, Bolton's Reebok Stadium has the honour. I'm not sure that bodes too well, we were hammered by Sydney City Roosters at the Reebok a couple of years ago. But, no, let's put our positive heads on.

In April, my mum will decide whether or not she wants to retire from work. Since the Age Equalities Act came in this October, the compulsory retirement age has effectively been removed. That's a great thing for older people who aren't ready to retire but I'm not sure what effect it'll have on the young. Jobs are already at a premium, this can only make things worse surely? I think my mum's probably ready for retirement though but she was promoted last month and this new job may change everything.... watch this space.

In June, Lou turns 17 which means she can get her driving license. I don't know which one of us is looking forward to that the most. We do a lot of stuff together - rugby, shopping, days out - it will be so great when we can do them by car. Even visiting the rellies in Wales will become a breeze. She's only had one lesson so far but I have every faith in her.

I won't go on for the next six months, after all, all the above is all bound to change as the year grows older. And then there are all those things we don't yet know about. Ooh it's kind of exciting isn't it?

Whatever comes or goes, I wish a happy and prosperous new year to all my friends. Have a great 2007!